Bainhouse Family Tree

My Dear Grandmother: An Inspiration for Many Generations: Written by Saira Arshi Zafir

My grandmother whom we all called Mami, was a wise and authoritative mother, yet immensely friendly and loving. Sarwar Mamoo was a toddler when he lost his father, so Mami was his sole parental figure.

I remember vividly that while living in Islamabad, my mother Birjees and I also received letters and postcards from her regularly. I now feel very privileged about this. Unfortunately, those letters have been lost.

When my grandmother wrote this letter, she probably never imagined that it would be read by many others and become her legacy and an example for parents to raise their children.

She instructed Sarwar Mamoo to follow the core elements of pleasing the Creator:

1. Love of Allah

2. The importance of punctual salah

3. The importance of daily Qur’an recitation

4. The consequences of neglecting these practices

5. The importance of love towards siblings

6. Practicing gratitude towards Allah

What an inspiring letter she wrote, a reminder and a gift for her grandchildren, and guidance for parenting. Her choice of words, calm tone, and concern for her children’s eternal success reflected the wisdom of her vision. In the end, she also narrated a heart-touching story that carried an inspiring lesson for the readers.

What an amazing reminder from a mother that we all need in order to guide our future generations. This letter shows her optimism and expectations for her dear son – my Sarwar Mamoo – living far away from her, while avoiding any mention or complaint of her own struggles as a single mother.

My grandmother faced many challenges in her life, yet she always remained a confident role model for her children. The power of her prayers and spirituality influenced her children to practice kindness and follow the pillars of Islam.

When my grandfather passed away, she became the decision-maker of her immediate family and a symbol of resilience. She was a disciplined, wise, and pure soul who taught her children the language of contentment, respect, and unconditional love and forgiveness. All of her children inherited these qualities from their beloved mother.

If she had written her own memoir, she might have highlighted the different phases of her journey that she started as a innocent 13-year-old when she got married.

For this article, I collected authentic facts about Mami from the most credible sources in our family, my uncles Ishrat and Arshad (Mamoo), and my Aunt (Bilqees Khala), the only surviving siblings in the family, and their maternal cousin Raafo Khala. May Allah grant Baraka and health in their lives. They graciously allowed me to write this article acknowledging their beloved mother’s eventful life and journey.

My grandmother was born in 1919 with a golden spoon in her mouth. Her father, Sheikh Dawood, who belonged to a noble wealthy old-money family, received his barrister degree from England and a red-carpet welcome when he returned home. He died of typhoid before the birth of his first baby girl, my grandmother Mami.

By Allah’s will, Mami’s mother also passed away when she was a child. Her grandfather, Sheikh Abdul Rehman, who raised Mami, decided to arrange her wedding with Mohamed Nasim, son of Sheikh Abdul Azeez.

At the age of thirteen, she married my grandfather. Since she was the only child, she inherited her generational wealth from her grandfather before his final departure to the next world.

Mami left her hometown and family to start a new life with her husband and in-laws. After her marriage, she didn’t see her maternal family for many years.

Mami was an extraordinarily generous wife and had no interest in her material wealth. Her true wealth was her spiritual and literary inclinations, which she inherited from her mother, aunts (khalas), and grandfather.

Although she never attended any formal institute for her education, she was gifted with many intellectual traits. Despite her natural intellect, she never lost her sense of gratitude, innocence and simplicity. From a young age, her hobbies were reading, writing, and practicing spirituality.

Her literary skills were cultivated by her Quran teachers, which she then further refined by reading her father’s journals and letters which he wrote to his father (Mami’s grandfather) while studying in the UK.

She had a dynamic, well-rounded personality which made her unique in the family. She had a heart filled with the love of Allah and mankind. Her love of Allah and the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and her strengthening of kinship (صلح رحمي) towards her family were apparent. Her tranquil personality reflected her deep connection with the Almighty Allah.

In 1947, Mami sold the property in Patna, India that she had inherited from her father, Sheikh Dawood. Using that money, she purchased a new property in Karachi, which her husband (my grandfather), Mohamed Nasim, named Bain House, which he named in tribute of the original Bain House in Bihar Shareef, India that was owned by Sheikh Abdul Aziz, Mami’s father-in-law. I had the wonderful privilege of visiting these Bain Houses, both the one in Bihar Shareef and the one in Karachi. This Bain House in Karachi is where my mother, her siblings, and their cousins shared a lot of wonderful memories in their childhood and adolescence. My late mother Birjees shared a lot of her memories at Bain House with us. I also have many wonderful memories with Mami in Bain House from my childhood. This Bain House has also been known as a historical landmark for all members of the extended family, which unites all of us even today, no matter which part of the world we are living in.

I spent a lot of time with Mami until my marriage. I was even blessed enough to have been able to introduce my firstborn son to her. I suspect that, other than my father, I inherited my literary and spiritual interests from her. Her love for the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was reflected in her naats (poems), which she would write almost every week. She would author these poems and then send them to my aunt Bilqees Khala when she lived in Medina, who would then have them recited by Hasnain Khaloo at the blessed grave of the Prophet ﷺ to express love for him.

Mami’s letter above fills me with nostalgia for my childhood. When we were young, during our vacations, my siblings and I used to sit with her after dinner for bedtime stories. She was an amazing storyteller, who was gifted with the ability to narrate captivatingly. She had stories of different genres: stories of prophets, funny anecdotes, and historical narratives. She also shared many interesting family stories, which we asked her to repeat many times. At the end of each story, she would ask us about the moral of the story. I enjoyed borrowing many books from her collection. It was always a delightful experience to spend such quality time with her.

Mami came from a family which honored the Quran. Her grandfather was Hafiz-ul-Quran. Her love of the Quran had honored her and made ten of her great-grand children Hafiz-ul-Quran. May Allah reward her in the eternal world too.

In 1991, at the age of 71, she departed without any illness in the privacy of her room and took many memories with her. Her last words were the recitation of Kalma tayiba.
What a beautiful end (Khatima bil khair). Throughout her life, she was an example for us to follow. And her memory remains a guide for us. With her words and actions, she preached unity and unconditional kindness in the family.

Even though she had no siblings, Allah granted Mami twelve children, nine of whom lived to adulthood. In her life, she had seen her 42 grandchildren and one great-grandchild, Shaheer, my son. I consider myself blessed that Mami arranged Shaheer’s first birthday party in her home in Karachi.

No matter which part of the world we live in, her genes are embedded in her generation, and we will try to follow her footsteps of her spirituality, kindness, and forgiveness to keep her memories alive.

May Allah be pleased with her, make her offspring a sadaqah jariya (continuous charity) for her. I am hoping that she is in the company of her departed sons and daughters, Haris Nasim, Azfar Nasim, Sarwar Nasim, Birjees, Nafees, and Azra in the gardens of paradise. Ameen.

Love you Mami ❤️❤️❤️